Remember those times when I say I’m going to post more?
Because it’s healthy and, well, I have this blog that isn’t being used an’ shit.
Yeah, I remember those times too. Hahahaha.
But whatever. I’ve been so stressed lately that I kinda don’t want to write about it.
If I were to start, I wouldn’t stop. I could go on & onnnn.
Like, starting with an asshole I work with. Gahh, I hate him.
I’ve just gotta wait it out, though. Karma will bite him in his ass.
Even though I want it to be really, really soon.
Other than that, work rocks & school blows.
I promise I won’t drop out. I don’t want to be a lifer.
And lately, I’ve been staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning.
Fucking sucks, to be honest. I need to work on getting back into an appropriate sleeping pattern.
BUT I JUST WANNA LISTEN TO MY MUSIC, MAAAA.
that’s it for now.
I’m not gonna make a promise that I’ll post soon though.
I seem to fuck it all up after that.
I’m sick of life.
I’ve been single for way too long. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to go out and have relationships with people, but I’m afraid that they’ll never be what I imagine them to be in my head. I was also just played recently… two-timing bastard. It’s shitty because I had really liked the guy. This was our second time around talking, and I was becoming really comfortable with him, imagining that he was my ideal kind of guy for a relationship. Then reality hits and reminds me of why I’m going to be single forever. Ha. I think I’ll stick to my fantasy of marrying David Archuleta from now on. Surely he’s different from all the other guys I’ve liked. Oh, that’s right. He’s straight. Fml.
I’m sick of never wanting to go hang out with others, too. I always feel like the third wheel. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don’t have a best friend anymore. Sure, I’ve grown close to a lot of people in the past few months, and I’ve confided quite a bit with these people- but I still don’t feel comfortable enough to show these people what I look like in sweatpants and my bedhead.
I’m not where I want to be. I feel like I’m living a life that isn’t mine anymore. It’s because I’m working two jobs now. I love Cold Stone; with a passion. I’m most likely going to cry when I have to leave. But my second job, at Bath & Body, isn’t what I want to be doing. They expect me to be so much more pushy in selling than I’m comfortable being. I’m the type of shopper that likes to be greeted and then left alone, but these guys… they want me to be all over the customers. Finding out what they like, suggesting other fragrances, leading them to different things across the store. I won’t be there much longer… the extra money is nice, but that’s a promise.
School is bullshit. I can’t help but wonder if this is even beneficial to me anymore. Especially now that I don’t have time outside of school because of work, I’m not getting a chance to sit down and study. Ha. That’s a joke anyway. I don’t have the motivation to study. I’m always so tired now. I don’t want to study when I finally have free time. I should have taken this semester off, but I know that I would probably never come back if that were the case. I could see myself enjoying my freedom too much.
Good, God. I want to leave. Not just this shit-hole town, or this shitty state. I want to get out of this fucking country. I’ve never had such a desire, or been more determined to go to Ireland than I feel right now. I don’t know what it is about moving to a different country that will cure my depressed-like state. The men there seem perfect, with their incredibly attractive accents and personalities. Curse the day I ever saw the movie P.S. I Love You. That shit made me believe that that country is where I’ll be finding the love of my life and escaping the troubles that I think I’m facing everyday.
I guess it’s kinda bullshit that the first thing I write when coming back is basically one giant rant. But I don’t give a fuck.
Something just happened after April.
It was probably the fact that I was finishing up a lot of my senior year shit.
And I remember when I said I would keep up with this, but it’s now July (almost August) and I failed.
Hahah. I don’t know what it is. Running out of time to keep up? A logical reason, and definitely true. My summer has been extremely busy; from taking a few classes on campus and getting a head start to working all the time, I barely have time to just relax anymore.
I also realize how kick ass my venting poems were. I was reading them and seriously thinking “Did I write that?” Maybe that’s a little conceited to say, but honestly I thought they were good. Lol. Ohhh, I’m going to try and keep this current. I mean, that’s what I started this thing for anyway, right!?
It’s the one thing I seem to be running out of lately. I cannot even begin to describe how busy I’ve been lately, and I’ve been neglecting this blog hardcore. Hahah.
I’m overdue for an update, but it’s okay. I have a ton of material I could use.
For example, Saturday was prom. It was amazing of course <3 I had tried my first vegan pizza at the place my group went out to eat at. It looked really sketchy when the waitress brought it out but it was soooo good. I'll def need to get some more of that soon. The after party wasn't as great as I had expected it to be. I didn't get hammered like I wanted to because I had to give the dd directions back to my house and I made sure I was lucid enough to do that.
Last Monday I had an "audition" at Coldstone that went well enough for me to get a callback which occurred today. I'm now proud to say that I am once again employed <3
I'm so stoked. Nobody understands how thrilled I am right now. I start my training next week (:
I'm stressin' a little bit, too. I've already found out that I have tests in two of my classes on Wednesday, the same day I present my senior project! Gahhh! I'm so not ready for this- or parts of it, anyway.
It’s been far to long if you ask me.
It’s not that I forgot about this; only I’ve been caught up in another blog. Hahah. For those who took the time to read, I apologize. Although, I actually wonder how many people actually do read this.
I’m extremely tired, because it’s 12:30 in the morning. I just had to make time to write this up though, just to make some use of it. Lol. Seeing as I skipped a whole month, I’ll be needing to update this again real soon. Pray I take some time tomorrow to do it. (: